2010-03-02 - 8:46 p.m.

Tap, tap, tap... is this thing on?

It took me fifteen minutes to hit the right password and get into this crusty site. Too many passwords, not enough brainspace.

I can't believe this journal hasn't been deactivated.

A lot has happened since I last wrote here.

I moved to Portland. I got a shitty, dead-end job answering phones for nine bucks an hour. I ate lentils and oats and drank a lot of red wine. I exercised a lot. I took up strange hobbies (painting on glass!) and then dropped them three months later. I dated a parade of mostly boring but sweet men. I fell in love with my boss and left my shitty, dead-end job for one that was less shitty. I sold my car. I got a promotion. I took three months off and travelled across Canada. I cohabitated. I went back to school. I quit school. I got another promotion. I got married. I turned thirty.

One of my goals for 2010 is to be more creative. I write for a living, and ironcially this has turned me into a really *bad* writer. I can't express myself like I used to, yet, the running dialogue in my head continues. Does anyone else do this? Silently narrate their own lives?

I would like to start a blog about this strange phase of life I am in. I call it "the in between". Its the phase of life where you're financially stable, but you're still too cheap to buy a new peacoat so you decide you can make your old one last another season, even though theres a hole in the pocket. You have a career. You see yourself, as if from the outside, leading meetings and saying phrases like "low hanging fruit", but you have a hard time taking yourself seriously because, come on, who says shit like that? You can't say for certain where you'll be living or working six months from now - you think maybe you want to try living on the east coast. Or the UK. Or Canada. Or maybe just east of Burnside. You're married, and you're talking about kids, but you're not quite ready to pull the goalie. You no longer flinch when you introduce him as your husband, but it still wows you when you hear him introduce you as his wife.

Life is simultaneously very full and very boring.

Lots of things have happened. And lots of things will happen. But the present itself is pretty... I don't even know what it is.

Which is why I want to write about it.

Maybe I can do that here, in this long-forgotten corner of cyberspace.

This is just something I'm thinking about.

�

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